Adolescence: An Opportunity to Support and Shape Your Child
Appreciating adolescence as an opportunity and a time to thrive.
When you think of parenting your tween or teen, the thought “What an opportunity!” should pop into your mind.
When you understand adolescence as an “opportunity,” you’ll be reminded that your child is full of potential. This is the time of life when the adult your child will become is coming into focus. You matter during adolescence as much or more than you have ever mattered before!
Adolescence is when your child is forming their identity, grappling with the toughest questions we humans must answer: “Who am I?”; “Am I normal?”; and “How do I fit in? Leave my mark? Contribute?” They will have many people influence them as they imagine the answers to those questions. Some people will influence them positively, others will make them question their worth. You knowing who they really are is deeply protective. When your child understands that the person who knows them the most – all the great stuff and the things that make you want to pull your hair out – chooses to love them, your child will grasp that they are worthy of being loved. What could matter more than that?
Adolescence is the time when humans must learn to stand on their own. Your role is to support their growing independence by serving as a guide along their journey. If you feel too controlling, demanding, or overprotective they’ll push you away. They’ll create distance and reject your ideas because they’ll see you as interfering with their need to prove to themselves that they can manage life on their own. On the other hand, when they see you as a guide with wisdom and experience to share, but who recognizes their need to think independently, they’ll seek your wisdom – now and far into their future. When they know your goal is to keep them safe, not to inhibit their growth, they’ll welcome your involvement.
We need to think productively about adolescence to fill our role. Our culture tells an inaccurate story about teens that lowers our expectations for them, undermines your relationship and disempowers you. Look at the tables below. Reflect. Choose to think positively. Share this post widely so adults in your community view adolescents as they deserve to be seen and feel empowered to take their critical role in the lives of tweens and teens.
Myths hurt adolescents because they are seen through a distorted lens and can drive you away precisely when you are needed most. If you conclude, for example that what you do doesn’t matter because your teen doesn’t care what you think, why be involved? Know the truth(s) about teens.
Bottom line: Let your child know that you appreciate their growth—inside and out—because it gives you more of them to love.
This piece is adapted from Congrats You’re having a Teen! Strengthen Your Family and Raise a Good Person by Dr. Ken Ginsburg.
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