Helping Tweens, Teens, and Young Adults Manage Stress
People who manage stress in a healthy way are better prepared to overcome challenges.
People who manage stress in a healthy way are better prepared to take control of their thoughts and feelings, overcome life’s challenges, and build their resilience.
It may be that the best protection against our teens turning to worrisome behaviors is them possessing positive, adaptive coping strategies to manage stress.
To be clear: Healthy stress management is key to being trauma-sensitive because it restores control to youth. It is key to positive youth development because it lessens undermining forces in their lives and offers them healthy choices that enable them to develop to their potential.
Many dangerous and undermining behaviors we worry about most in adolescence are misguided attempts to diminish their stress. When stressed, our first human impulse (regardless of our age!) is to relieve our discomfort quickly. There are positive and negative coping strategies. Most negative coping strategies are quickly effective at relieving the discomfort associated with stress. However, these negative strategies intensify and prolong the cycle of stress because they have harmful consequences. Critically: Anything that solves a problem “quickly” and easily has the potential to be addictive. We must guide teens to possess a variety of positive coping strategies that also minimize their discomfort but prepare them to thrive. Modeling is key here because they are watching closely how adults relieve their stress.
Telling teens what not to do doesn't work. First, it denies them the chance to reflect upon and explain the whys behind the behaviors - why they feel the need to manage stress, why they feel overwhelmed, why they believe they need to escape. We should create the safe space to listen to them and guide them to build healthy strategies.
There is no guarantee an adolescent won’t try a worrisome behavior even if they possess good coping strategies, because negative coping strategies can also be fun or feel good. If, however, they possess positive stress management strategies, they are less likely to become reliant on negative behaviors and will hopefully move beyond this phase quickly. People with healthier means of coping with stress don't need to avoid problems, they can confidently confront and overcome them.
If a teen is already engaged in unheathy coping strategies, invite them to learn positive ways to manage their feelings.
Stress Management and Coping: Powerful Strategies to Take Control Over One’s Life
A comprehensive stress-reduction plan should include strategies that prepare youth to
● Accurately assess the stressor and put it into perspective.
● Effectively problem-solve to address the stress-inducing issue.
● Maintain a state of health optimal for managing stress. Healthy bodies are needed to have resilient minds. We build stress resistant bodies and minds through exercise, good nutrition, proper sleep, and routine relaxation.
● Manage emotions in a healthy way. This includes strategies that offer healthy ways to avoid feeling and others that allow emotional expression.
● Give people a sense of meaning and purpose. This helps them know that that their well-being matters to others. It enables them to maintain perspective and gain motivation to move forward.
A 10 point-plan was first introduced in the book “Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings.” These points are not meant to go in any order. Rather, the plan offers a variety of strategies to draw from at appropriate times. Below it is introduced in briefest terms, the listed resources allow for a deeper dive.
Category 1: Tackling the Problem
Point 1: Identify and then address the problem. Actions that address the problem diminish the source of stress.
Point 2: Avoid stress when possible. Sometimes triggers to stress can be avoided entirely.
Point 3: Let some things go. People who focus on the things they can change gain a sense of control versus the powerlessness, frustration, and anger that comes from trying to fix things they cannot affect.
Category 2: Taking Care of My Body
Point 4: The power of exercise. Exercise is the starting point for someone whose stress hormones prevent their thinking powers from resolving an issue.
Point 5: Active relaxation. Managing stress is sometimes about quieting the mind, and there are many strategies to do so.
Point 6: Eat well. Proper nutrition is essential to a healthy body and clear mind.
Point 7: Sleep well. Proper sleep is key to stress management.
Category 3: Dealing with Emotions
Point 8: Take instant vacations. Sometimes the best way to de-stress is to take your mind away to a more relaxing place.
Point 9: Release emotional tension. A person needs to be able to express emotions rather than letting them build inside.
Category 4: Make Your World Better and Help You Feel Better
Point 10: Contribute.
Contribution to others pays off in many ways. First, those who experience the personal rewards of service tend to feel better about themselves. Critically, they may more comfortably ask for help during a time of personal need.
This piece is adapted from Congrats You’re having a Teen! Strengthen Your Family and Raise a Good person by Dr. Ken Ginsburg.
Resources:
The book “Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings” offer an extensive and detailed stress management plan.
Teens can learn about stress and develop their own interactive stress management plan at:
https://parentandteen.com/strategy_plans/teen-stress-management/
The following films from The Center for Parent and Teen Communication offer guidance on each of the points of the plan. You’ll find them useful to learn how best to guide adolescents to manage stress. Tweens or teens might also benefit from watching them.
Stress Management and Coping Plan: Introduction
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHUInh9wfXA
Stress Management and Coping Plan: Tackling Problems
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozRPhZRd-fA
Stress Management and Coping Plan: Building Strong Bodies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9U3LqtNV1M
Stress Management and Coping Plan: Managing Emotions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKnpHRI-vOg
Stress Management and Coping Plan: Making The World Better
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiT4TBvHnqY
Stress Management and Coping Plan: Conclusion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKKUZ3OJTCg
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