The Reaching Teens Trauma-Sensitive Model
Navigating hardships for the best path forward.
The Reaching Teens trauma-sensitive model is the essence of strength-based communication in the context of a history of hardships.
There are 4 key principles of trauma-sensitive practice:
- Knowing what is about you and what is not about you
- Changing your lens from “What’s wrong with you!” to “What happened to you?”
- Seeing people as they deserve to be seen, not based on labels they’ve received or behaviors they’ve displayed
- Giving control back to people from whom control has been taken away
Principle 1: Knowing what is about you and what is not about you.
On first reading, one may misinterpret this principle as a barrier to human connection. It could be mistakenly interpreted as an active decision to not see another person's pain as our own. The intention is quite the opposite. It allows us to hold another person's pain and guide them in a loving, respectful process towards healing.
It is about refusing to take personally a behavior in the moment. Even if anger is directed towards us, we remind ourselves that it is not actually about us, but rather a reflection of something that happened to the person (See Principle 2). We are able to absorb the behavior and remain radically calm rather than becoming defensive. If, on the other hand, we allow ourselves to become defensive, we might reflexively become offensive and push someone away precisely when they deserve our focused attention and unwavering presence. (Note: We should practice with self-reflection and consider if an action, or lack of being responsive, may have triggered a reaction.)
Principle 2: Changing your lens from “What’s wrong with you!” to “What happened to you?”
People who have experienced trauma and repetitive undermining forces in their lives have earned the right to be highly reactive. That reactivity may not be pleasant to witness. But we must not allow ourselves to see the child or the adolescent through the lens of the behavior. A first step that allows us to apply Principle 1 and readies us to apply Principle 3 is understanding that the behavior does not define the individual. It is generally earned. It reflects what happened to them and does not in any way describe who they really are at their core.
Principle 3: Seeing people as they deserve to be seen, not based on labels they’ve received or behaviors they’ve displayed.
This principle is core to loving practice. It allows us to see the context of someone's life and to listen deeply for their inherent strengths. It is easy to receive a young person into our practices or programs and to see them first through the lens of the risk behaviors that might have brought them to us, or to see the mental health diagnosis they have received. When we initiate our relationships based on what appears in our “folders,” we deny individuals the right to be seen and heard.
When we listen deeply for their strengths, (such as resilience, compassion, tenacity, insight), we can see them in their very best light and hold them to the authentically high expectations that will position them to develop to their potential. This approach to loving practice is destigmatizing and combats the shame that paralyzes positive action. Loving practice does more than help us better serve youth. It enhances our compassion resilience because we can experience the benefits of elevating individuals rather than seeing them only through the lens of what has happened in their worst moments.
Loving is a word that deserves explanation. While you should not use the word with youth, it should be the centerpiece of your practice. “Love is seeing someone as they really are. Not through the lens of the behavior they may be displaying nor through any labels they may have received.” “Liking” is the potentially dangerous word, because we like what is familiar to us. Liking allows our biases to enter our relationships and can bring in judgement that should be absent from our interactions.
Principle 4: Giving control back to people from whom control has been taken away.
Trauma may represent an adverse household childhood experience or an undermining force such as poverty or any of the “isms” or phobias that harm people. Trauma denies a developing human the ability to have a full sense of control over their life. Anytime we adults take a top-down “You'll do what I say! Why? Because I said so!” or “You'll do what I suggest. Why?” Because I know better,” we reinforce the loss of control that is at the root of their pain. On the other hand, when we see youth as the experts in their own lives and partner with them in solution-building strategies, we restore control to them and are therefore being trauma-sensitive.
Seeing someone as the expert in their own life does not suggest they have more wisdom than you. It speaks to the reality that only a person understands their own history and the environments they must navigate. We are positioned to be effective guides in their lives when we honor the expertise they have gained through lived-experience.
A wide variety of strength-based and trauma-sensitive communication strategies can be found in Reaching Teens: Strength-based, Trauma-sensitive, Resilience-building Communication Strategies Rooted in Positive development. (2nd edition with ongoing electronic adaptations.)
